These days its way too easy to be overwhelmed. Notice I did not say to "feel" overwhelmed. Being overwhelmed is different. You may not even feel it at all as you appear, even to yourself, to be gliding thru the day with a mutable facial expression. A smile here where needed, a blank look as soon as you turn the corner, a growling frown when a weaker more annoying person appears on the horizon. The minute someone asks you how you are, the inner robot spurts out "Fine!" then tosses the question back as if in retribution.."And how are you ? "..
In an economically fragile time more people than not are forced into an unspoken competition. The scoreboard is recorded on social media. Events, name dropping, charitable acts are tallied up. Likeable, lovable and wow type ratings are given for images of you, which you have chosen out of ten less flattering pictures. Your inbox floods with people whom you have nothing much to say. Emojis become your best friend. Oh what a life. How in the hell can I get out ?
Sitting near a pine tree in my front yard, dressed in a few layers but warming up in a particularly hot beaming October sun..I struggle to focus on my work. In the corner of my laptop little notifications pop up. My curiosity drifts ..it's only one click. We all have such issues, meanwhile we are facing our fears of homelessness and failure. We are told to never give up on our dreams. So here under all the layers I ask , What is my dream ?
I have been thinking alot about images and my image being an outward manifestation of my imagination and spirit. I been called a sensualista for quite a while. My digital footprint is maybe too expository. I dance alot. I show my womanhood and sensuality as being natural, awkward and unstaged, soft, strong , vital and healthy. Political and intellectual. And I know for a fact that at times this has blocked me from getting a job. My digital footprint is more or less my real footprints, barefoot and where I been, how I dance, what I think. It's not entirely embraced by a society that loves to buy and sell sex..but hates to see sensuality without whoredom.
I close my eyes and take deep breathes. One grey cat, then a brownish one slowly creep past testing the waters of my human form, trustworthy but still testing. I breathe and listen to birds. I here a spurring noise of wings fluttering by. I try to ignore the voices of kids on the block. I just wanna hear the birds. I wish I was somewhere hotter in less clothes. That the breeze was of saltwater mist cooling my face. I create in my minds inner space, a different state of mind. I want to be a good woman, a good "girlfriend", a great mother and everything else I could possibly be. My standards leave no room for life. Maybe we are pushed too hard to push ourselves too hard into a whirl of over thinking, overdoing and non satisfaction.
The remedy ? Go be where you love, Go be with who you love. It might just be you is all you need, everything else is icing on the cake so choose the flavor and consistency that adds to it , but does not overwhelm the taste of you.
I release the need to be more than what I am. I release the need to over think my success/ I accept life as it is. What I do naturally is my calling.
Peace and Blessings From Rose Quartz
|Emily Imani Rose Quartz|