Have you ever visited with a parent to suddenly notice, and I mean really notice that they no longer look the way they used too ? More often than not we look at family members seeking out the familiar.. such as the smile or mannerisms we remember from childhood.
So even as they age we may not notice just how much time has passed, because we are still looking for what we want to see. Maybe your parent was diagnosed with a diseases that is a result of many years of a certain diet or life style. All of a sudden you realize that "life" is catching up to them. It's even worse when the doctors give a life or death warning..suggesting that if they do not change they will shorten their lifespan. And you are left with the uncomfortable word..Lifespan..it can hurt to think about a parent having a lifespan, all of a sudden its real. This world willone day be without the only person or people that have always been there. Hmmm..
Or it could be a parent falls and never really regains their mobility. Or it could be the way they walk is slower or just to be honest, it could just be that suddenly they look way older than what you were ready for seeing. This brings up alot of issues, such as who will take care of them if they become sick or actually break a hip ? What if they refuse to take the doctors warning seriously and keep on with an unhealthy lifestyle? What if they become depressed, stubborn and or suffer memory loss all at once?
This can happen at any age and stage for an adult child. It happens at to all of us at different times..but the bottom line is that it happens. We must now consider our parents needs instead of just living the adult life we had been waiting to enjoy. Often as soon as we are done raising our kids our parents begin an unexpected decline.
One of the most difficult tasks is getting an older parent to actually listen . They continue to see you as the child, not as a fully functioning adult. When you try to give them advice for their health ,safety and financial matters they tend to blow off every word. In other words a lot of your time and energy is spent trying to figure out ..what to do about mom...(or dad). So when will you get to live your life ?
The most important thing to do, is be prepared to deal with this part of life. Having a stable home life of your own helps immensely. Having a loving partner to keep you stay grounded is important. Plan ahead to not give up your dreams, your sex life, or all your time. This has to be a value that is non-negotiable. Talk to parents before they get too old and let them know you would rather discuss this now than twenty years from now.
Find out what their finances are and what options they might have if they need medical care. Make that call to siblings..and put the topic on the table. Be ready. Be aggressive about self care, travelling and pleasure because the time will come when your whole life may be upended painfully by the sadness and finality of an aging parent.
Spend time with your parents, take those calls and make those calls. These will be the memories, that will get you thru grief. Knowing that you were there for them and that you never lashed out at them.
When one begins to feel the strains of aging parents one begins to feel older ..it's almost a domino affect of aging and a way of dealing with an overload of responsibilities.
This can be a hard time, but ideally you will go within and seek out your own rebirth. In as many ways as possible, chose to become more alive.
This is not about how much you love a parent. This is about how to function, blossom and grow, even as a parent is aging and even after a parent must leave this earth.
Peace and Blessings From
Rose Quartz
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