Aging Parents: Fears and Realities, A Blogstar by Rose Quartz

Have you ever visited with a parent to suddenly notice, and I mean really notice that they no longer look the way they used too ?  More often than not we look at family members seeking out the familiar.. such as the smile or mannerisms we remember from childhood. 

So even as they age we may not notice  just how much time has passed, because we are still looking for  what we want to see. Maybe your parent was diagnosed with a diseases that is a result of many years of a certain diet or life style. All of a sudden you realize  that "life" is catching up to them. It's even worse when the doctors give a life or death warning..suggesting that if they do not change they will shorten their lifespan. And you are left with the uncomfortable word..Lifespan..it can hurt to think about a parent  having a lifespan, all of a sudden its real. This world willone day be without the only person or people that have always been there. Hmmm..

Or it could be a parent falls and never really regains their mobility. Or it could be the way they walk is slower or just to be honest, it could just be that suddenly they look way older than what you were ready for seeing. This brings up alot of issues, such as who will take care of them if they become sick or actually break a hip ?  What if they refuse to take the doctors warning seriously and keep on with an unhealthy lifestyle? What if they become depressed, stubborn and or suffer memory loss all at once?

This can happen at any age and stage for an adult child. It happens at to all of us at different times..but the bottom line is that it happens. We must now consider our parents needs instead of just living the adult life we had been waiting to enjoy. Often as soon as we are done raising our kids our parents begin an unexpected decline. 

One of the most difficult tasks is getting an older parent to actually listen . They continue to see you as the child, not as a fully functioning adult. When you try to give them advice for their health ,safety and financial matters they tend to blow off every word. In other words a lot of your time and energy is spent trying to figure out ..what to do about mom...(or dad). So when will you get to live your life ?

The most important thing to do, is be prepared to deal with this part of life. Having a stable home life of your own helps immensely. Having a loving partner to keep you stay grounded is important. Plan ahead to not give up your dreams, your sex life, or all your time. This has to be a value that is non-negotiable. Talk to parents before they get too old and let them know you would rather discuss this now than twenty years from now.

 Find out what their finances are and what options they might have if they need medical care. Make that call to siblings..and put the topic on the table. Be ready. Be aggressive about self care, travelling and pleasure because the time will come when your whole life may be upended painfully by the sadness and finality of an aging parent. 

Spend time with your parents, take those calls and make those calls. These will be the memories, that will get you thru grief. Knowing that you were there for them and that you never lashed out at them.

When one begins to feel the strains of aging parents one begins to feel older ..it's almost  a domino affect of aging and a way of dealing with an overload of responsibilities. 

This can be a hard time, but ideally you will go within and seek out your own rebirth. In as many ways as possible,  chose to become more alive.

This is not about how much you love a parent. This is about how to function, blossom and grow, even as a parent is aging and even after a parent must leave this earth.

Peace and Blessings From

Rose Quartz

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Greyhound Bus Blog: Seattle To Amarillo Texas During Tornadoe Season by Rose Quartz

It's pretty good combination of blissed out moments and nerve wracking hell. It's being somewhere in the middle of the night, and no way to check the time.  It's dark. It's dark outside of the bus and even darker in the bus. I lost track of where I am and where I might be..I just know im far enough from home I could make up a new identity and no one would ever know the difference. In other words I can start to be me. People on the bus don't ask your name but bond deeply over destinations,  and  the discomfort of hours  spent stuck in bus stations.  In Greyhound world, conversation isn't needed to bond. People buy you food and ask if you good, give you pieces of gum and some fall in love and lust if only for the trip. I wont go into details about the dangerous realities of traveling as woman alone dragging along a roller suitcase and backpack..that would be another type blog. 

 As I was saying it's dark..I'm from the West Coast and I've crossed thru mountains and thru Mountain Time into whatever the name of the time it  is when one is in the midwest and southeast..the internal lights on the bus are off and FINALLY the  air conditioning has been turned down a little. Heads are resting on plexi glass and seats reclined back. The driver announces we are going thru inclinement weather and expect  the bus to rock and sway, and actually as we fly down the freeways the bus does shake a whole lot, its body thrust and thrashed by winds, its metal parts rattling  the bolts holding it together,  thumping and snapping like crazy. My only comfort is that the wheels are on the ground . 

 I'm headed into the part of the country that's flooding along the Arkansas river. 

 Hours later we arrive in El Reno Oklahoma the morning after the fatal tornado. Our bus stop, strangely enough, is in a gas station parking lot, in the midst of  the worst damage. Signs and billboards are  dangling.. rubbish and roofs are strewn on the ground. This is just a pick up stop,  the bus driver warns us, meaning we cant get off the bus to buy food. One lone passenger boards in El Reno, and we head  to Oklahoma City then finally Tulsa where I will have a great time as a presenter at a national conference. I'm thrilled to be sharing what I have learned as a cultural artist in regards to preserving democracy in America 😊. 

 Seriously I loved it, my destination, but before long ( several days actually) I was being dropped off at the downtown Tulsa Bustation. A  place that has no rules, buses slide in and depart whenever, outbursts are common, and the staff randomly abandon the front counter ( and the backroom, and the entire building, it turned out) for hours. 

 On my way home somewhere in Missouri a toranadoe is spotted in the darkness. The busdriver alerts us we all need to wake up as we may have to take action. What kind of action I wonder? I have had a great trip and a successful presentation at a Conference in Tulsa. I spent my time there sleeping in a five star hotel and in the homey comfort of a friends place.  After waiting hours in the Tulsa bus station for a late coming bus heading North, I'm so tired that  the news that we will be driving thru, nearby or hopefully around a Toranadoe doesnt faze me.  By now I have total faith in the Greyhound driver to get us to our next stop in Kansas City safely..that said I put my earbuds back in, tuck my blanket around my shoulders and rock out to my music falling alseep, ready for whatever happens when a bus meets a toranadoe .  

Twelve hours later the sun is glaring on cornfields.  I am  baking like cornbread in another bus with another driver. The air conditioner is broke and the windows just barely crack open a few inches. We drive for hours thru the flat plains states, in a humid, sweaty, airless stupor. Packed like sardines, in an almost airtight canon ball tin can called a greyhound bus.  Race ceases to exist. Black, Mexican,White, whatever. The heat causes every body in the bus to lose consciousness and the driver is saved from our angry cursing and complaints.

 And before I say anything else, I need to say very loud and clear that Greyhound Buses are some kind of chariots from God. America would not be the same without this affordable and safe way for people of varying incomes and lifestyles to get from sea to shining sea unlike air travel, bus travel leaves it up to each rider to get lost or drift off along the way.  You will be thrown days off scheudele with no remorse unexpected changes with bus routes are the madness and mystique of riding greyhound great distances.. along with  fleeting but momentarily deep bonds, smirking with disgust at the news of another late bus. But you will bond in ways you cant imagine,  sleeping on a hard metal bench with a stranger dozing at the other end of the bench,  shufflin on and off a bus for snacks and smokes blazing a trail of funky body, no need to explain shit to anyone type travel  

Yes it is slower than flying..  your left in privacy to get lost, to buy a ticket without governement ID. Adventurers, free spirits, lower income families with small children, immigrants, pleasure seekers, solo artists, explorers and most definateley, a few catfished fools going to meet their fb lover for the first time? All aboard!

 And please be on that bus at the time you are told or you will only have your self to blame for promptly being left behinddamn near any where without your luggage  or carry on bag...no one but your self to blame, and no one but yourself to be proud of,  when your sore butt finally feels the victory of  getting where you wanted to go!  It's a great feeling like your team winning the superbowl,  trust me.

What kind of people take greyhound across the country? People who can afford a ticket and people who don't care about trying to beat  time at it's own game,  people who aren't tied to jobs that rush you back to work with threats of being fired-  basically people who don't have those kind of worries that tie a person down to a place ...renegades of the modern world.. people who aren't afraid to spend two, three, four days getting somewhere. It's all about freedom if you ask me. Do you have time ?

Peace and Blessings 

From 

Emily Imani Rose Quartz

What to bring on 24-72 hr bus trips :

Food, especially of you are vegan, vegatarian or hate bread and gluten. Greyhound carries your big luggage up to 56 inches for free so you can fill your carry on with food, bottled water and snacks. This is going to save you alot of money. 

Baby wipes, wash clothe , toiletries ..do not be the funk that ruined someones elses trip

Phone chargers, USB cords, music, small blanket and pillows

Seriously a warm jacket, sweat shirt, beenie cap and /or wool scarf. No matter how hot it is outside greyhound air conditioning is brutal

And most important.. Make sure you have.. somewhere special to go 

#EmilyImani #RoseQuartz

Seattles Greyhound Bus Station pic by Patricks Murphy

               

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